To prepare for the 2025 holiday season, VOS owner and CEO Jessi Paquette sat down with mental health therapist Monica D. Vance for ways to support mental health through this often stressful time of year. The first key point, and one of Monica’s specialties, is how to deal with old mindsets like avoidance or denial.
At any time of year, but more often during the holidays, we grieve the loss of our loved ones. A healthy mindset to manage grief is to allow yourself to feel your feelings, not just push through them. It’s okay to be sad during the holidays because you miss someone who is no longer with you. If you’re comfortable doing so, share how you feel with others so they can better understand how to support you, as well.
“I think there’s a tendency to be passive or just not say anything at all, but this is a time to stand up for your needs and your boundaries.”
Knowing Your Limits and Setting Boundaries
One of the most important mental health tips that Monica shares is protecting yourself with boundaries and limitations. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of holiday festivities, but there’s no reason to push yourself to the point of burnout. Set a pace that feels good for you and stick to it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need a moment of solitude, express that to the people around you so they can respect your space.
In some cases, friends or family members may struggle with your need for self-care amid their own expectations. When this happens, don’t be afraid to stand your ground and be assertive. If you don’t want to discuss a certain subject or participate in a certain event, let them know. This might mean that you have to repeat yourself or remove yourself from the situation, but that’s okay too. “If you know specific family members or friends aren’t going to respect your boundaries, you don’t have to be around them,” Monica states.
Managing Obligations and Expectations
A key ingredient to mental health over the holidays is sticking to the foundation of self-care when obligations and the expectations of others put extra pressure on us. This means ensuring that you’re getting enough rest, balanced nutrition, and physical activity that keeps you feeling good. As Monica says, “Basic needs first.”
When your essential needs are met, you can more effectively plan how to spend the holidays and have the energy to do it all. On the subject of planning, Monica points out that it’s critical to determine how your holidays will be spent in ways that are best for you. For example, who are you spending the most time with? What days are you available for social gatherings? How do gifts and events fit into your holiday budget?
Do what’s comfortable and right for you, regardless of what others are doing or what they might think of your choices.
Sticking to Being Assertive
Much like riding a bike, learning how to be assertive and stand up for yourself requires practice. It may be uncomfortable and take some getting used to, but it won’t feel that way forever. There might be an adjustment period to setting the boundaries you need, and not everyone is going to immediately understand.
“You’re gonna feel extremely uncomfortable. You’re gonna feel cringey… But remind yourself that you’re worth taking care of yourself and your needs.”
Having Gratitude and Releasing Attachment to Outcomes
Our vision for the “perfect” holiday season is relative, but that doesn’t make it any less important when it comes down to the details. To ease the stress when things don’t go exactly as planned, Monica suggests these helpful tips:
- Define what perfect means to you (not to someone else)
- Determine if you’re able to accept “good enough” over absolute perfection
- Remember that we’re our own worst critics, and others see the best in us
- If something goes wrong, focus on everything that went right instead
Another important aspect of the holidays to remember is having gratitude. “Gratitude is crucial,” says Monica. For some, it can be difficult to find the silver lining, especially those dealing with trauma and depression. But it is possible to rewire your mindset for positivity and find a light within the darkness. To keep track of your blessings, try starting a gratitude journal and writing down everything that you’re grateful for each day.
Connecting With Your Community
“You really cannot do life alone.”
Last but not least, a solid sense of community is absolutely vital for your mental health. This doesn’t mean you need hundreds of friends, just a small group of trusted individuals that you can rely on. Our communities and support networks not only provide us with social benefits but also encourage us to move forward and be our best selves. If you’ve ever had self-doubt or criticized your own work, then you understand how negative self-talk can be your worst enemy. On the flip side, our friends and community members are able to remind us of our best qualities and traits that we might overlook or dismiss.
Visit Monica’s website for speaking opportunities and to learn more.